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Tired and Hungry





                    


Me: Oh my god, I'm so tired today

Her: You are always, tired, every time tired, are you pregnant?

Me: (laughs) Maybe, I'm probably pregnant, who knows. plus I'm hungry too.

Her: (irritated) Didn't you eat in school today? You are supposed to have a plan, the number of hours you will spend in school and...

...I've never been so angry for being hungry and tired, I'm probably angrier because I am trying to bring up a conversation to remove the awkward silence between us as we cooked dinner, the only thing in my head was the topic of my hunger and tiredness and she took that information, wrapped it so tightly with so much disgust and irritation for complaining so much and spat it back at my face.

I've just been ruminating over the conversation we had all evening, turning it over and over in my mind. Why would she say that to me? what does she even take me for? the overly tired, always complaining ass whose problems can't make the world better but keeps talking about them anyway?
Does she know the kind of things I do every day? I just wanted to start a conversation for goodness sake not open doors to attacks on my health or organizational abilities.

In as much as I wanted to change it for her at that moment for being too perfect and having her shit together every time, I also know I unconsciously gave her permission to use that information against me because I'm always talking about being tired and hungry...lol! it seems to be the only foundation for small talks I find so easy because I believe it is something everyone can relate with, I mean, who isn't hungry and tired at some point, well, clearly not her. I also realized that she has never talked about tiredness and hunger as being part of her weaknesses, Hmmm.

Anyway, the moral of the story is this, sometimes, people pay attention to what you say to them even though you might wish they didn't pay attention to you sometimes. Sometimes you get judged or misinterpreted with a piece of information you handed out yourself and although you are looking for common grounds and weaknesses to connect with others, don't blame them for using it against you one day. 


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